Thursday, July 8, 2010

July?! Already?! Where has the proverbial time gone?!

Every year goes by so much faster than the last. Now that I am, more or less, keeping a blog, and I am, no less, approaching 40 years of age, I suppose, I feel the time slipping through my fingers that much more keenly. I suspect this happens to every human being, but I suspect, further, we each have to endure this uncertainty ourselves.

I want to feel someone else's presence, but I still relish my alone-ness. I want to be wanted, but I want that on certain terms. I want to find someone who is fascinating in their own right who, in turn, is fascinated by me --as I am too.

I want to travel, and I want to stay close to the fold; I want to see the world, and I want to stay close to home. I want to look inside, and I want to see without; I want to be myself, and I want love without a doubt.

I suspect we are all full of contradictions and desires, and we all want something bigger than ourselves despite ourselves. How complicated it is being human? When did rational thought (or maybe it really is irrational in light of our primal urges) come to the fore and where do thought and instinct intersect, and how do they interact?

I would say this is so much thinking aloud except that the only noise is the tap, tap, tap on the keyboard accompanied by the guitar playing of Julian Bream. Thinking aloud in the 21st Century is like that I suppose. Bream was a 20th Century guitarist who sought out music from the Elizabethan age of John Dowland and William Shakespeare as well as the 20th Century music of Benjamin Britten and Igor Stravinsky and more. . . . not that I am Julian Bream - esque. It is, still, the idea of looking forward as one looks back. Are they really mutually exclusive. History teachers are fond of saying that we must look behind us to learn how to look forward.

There is beauty in every age. Where is our beauty? What challenges our beauty?

Is beauty all I should strive for? Isn't there more?

Is it enough?