Tuesday, July 24, 2012

why do I love Vladimir Horowitz? many do. Some do not. It is his heart. Sure, he could be abrasive. He attacked the piano like a wild animal -  -- - - not to everybody's liking.

But here's the thing. He thought about music deeply and critically. In between performances, he thought deeply about the music. He memorized it and incorporated it into his being. both performances and the original notes on the page.

But, when he played, it all came from the heart and gut. Horowitz did not pretend to play the score. He had  his touch and his feel and his psyche. His playing was his own for better or for worse. you either liked it or you didn't. The true definition of an artist is that he or she performs an interpretation true to his or her own vision. Not all can pull this off. They think they can, but they cannot. They cannot. End/.
I have not written anything new in quite a long time but so much has happened in that time. Time stands still, and time marches on. It can feel so slow, and it can go so fast. confusing.

I have been composing and writing a lot. I think about recording a great deal, but the writing (and life itself) keeps getting in the way. I am sure i have at least two discs worth of music inside of me waiting to come out. Right now, I feel at a loss. I just lost my Nani (grandmother) last week, and I feel like something will come as a result of the loss. I loved her so much, and her love of her family was immense. She was often the foundation that kept this family sort of together during all the in fighting and back biting.

I want to write for her and to her when i can, but my emotions are tied down and convulsing, and i don't know if it is the right time or the best time. I wish for the best.

2012 has been a confusing year in many ways, and I feel I am at a crossroads to I do not know where. So I just keep listening and looking and, hopefully, learning. Forward is hard but backwards is harder and not desirable.

So I am looking forward by listening to Vladimir Horowitz in 1985. He constantly struggled with moving forward. He was world famous beyond belief, but he struggled with the idea that no one would remember him after a temporary retirement of a few years. Yet he came storming back, and he was broadcast around the world when he went back to Russia 60 years after leaving.

I am not so immense or so famous, or so fragile. I suppose I can come back in my small way too if I wish. If I wish.

So I go back to Nani. She was immense and tiny in her way in equal measure. She was a regular person who had to make extraordinary decisions. She saw war torn countries and tropical paradises. Her life well led is the envy of us all and beautiful. Extraordinary in all that word implies!